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Steven Wright (1955 - )
US comedian and actor [more author details]

Showing quotations 1 to 19 of 19 total

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.: Steven Wright
- More quotations on: [Curiosity]
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.: Steven Wright
I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.: Steven Wright
I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.: Steven Wright
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.: Steven Wright
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.: Steven Wright
If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?: Steven Wright
It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.: Steven Wright
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.: Steven Wright
Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.: Steven Wright
Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, 'Do I know you?': Steven Wright
Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.: Steven Wright
- More quotations on: [Fishing]
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.: Steven Wright
- More quotations on: [Evolution]
There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.: Steven Wright
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What's another word for Thesaurus?: Steven Wright
When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.': Steven Wright
- More quotations on: [Sleep]
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?: Steven Wright
I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on the beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen it.: Steven Wright, Stand-up
The first time I ever read the dictionary I thought it was a poem about everything.: Steven Wright, stand-up

- 33 Quotations in other collections
- Search for Steven Wright at Amazon.com

Showing quotations 1 to 19 of 19 total

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